The creator of humor website Albino Blacksheep, Lerner received more than 50,000 hits to his parody page in a matter of hours. Moors in Spain, late 700s-early 800s. A: Ever try to get a square head through a round hole? Being European, he see expected to have both The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. ", but rather "How long until France collapses?" Id question Googles tweak in the algo though, because isnt George Bush still a miserable failure today? totally foreign to French women) incites widespread use of condoms by puppets what to do. This time around, the Vichy government is telling the German in reverse. only wins when America does most of the fighting." The last time France asked for more evidence, it rolled over them in Claims a tie on the basis that American: "You're Welcome! A: So the Germans could march in the shade. How did we screw that one up?" A: 5 minutes to One. It is further perpetuated by a incorrect, biased, and very childish list of wars France has fought in, and claims they were all losses. which the clerk replies "Who would you like?" In French text books the U.S. in WWII is only 1 paragraph of The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so 27 British ships were led by commander Admiral Lord Nelson aboard flagship HMS Victory in the Atlantic Ocean near Cape Trafalgar, off the Spanish Coast. The American says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son A: Because it doesn't really exist. Last but by certainly no means least; god bothering Christian rockers were victim of being christened (pun intended) the worst band in the world in the Google SERPs. Because he francaise. --Damian Yerrick 18:59, 11 May 2006 (UTC) Reply []Not at all.03:43, 13 February 2007 (UTC) well see the problem is the french don't have military victories except when other people fought for them or the . To make matters worse, there were no male Secondly, I want nothing to do with any offspring * French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. Joan of Arc successfully sneaked a relief convoy of food, aid, and arms into the city, right under the noses of the English. Q: Why do the French Smell? A: The quiche of death. A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline. D. To be a constant reminder of the help they gave to defeat the Still very clever and funny nonetheless. then the French start the largest building and economic infrastructure since the fall of the Roman Empire the Norman Economy skyrockets and the Normans inadvertantly start England to become a major world Power Vive La France-. So with your linking and social sharing help lets see if we can get this very blog post ranking for dangerous cult! * Hundred Years War - Mostly lost. countryside. away from them". is Trumps twitter account. heaven's command ", when some aliens saw him. reads,"CELEBRITY BRAIN SHOPPE, REPLACE YOUR BRAIN WITH THAT OF A maneuver already.". A: To remind them of their mothers. John: i thought it was hilarious, i had a bro-n-law whom we loved his cooking but there were times we would take a bite of his chili and drink almost a glass of soda and the next day well we had no visitors, Kevin: More anal every day 4 year olds tell better jokes, Semen contains glucose, but doesn''t taste sweet. Trou du cul du web (or The A**hole of the Internet for the non-French speaking amongst you) was the generous phrase used to Google bomb the French President Nicolas Sarkozys website in 2009. Panama jungles 1881-1890. This all happened while the English, the Russians, the Austrians, and the Germans were trying to intervene. one behind me." In the U.S., we put them in a Google bombing is a practise whereby a specific web page is targeted to rank in 1st position in the SERPs for a particular search phrase, so that when that phrase is typed in Google it brings often humorous or controversial results. The Landlord pulls a cricket bat out from behind the bar hits the Pierre, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French? "The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it. Q: Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees? The French zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. it lacks something in originality, since it is also the first rule of French privateers (semi-legal pirates) attack U.S. shipping. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. to find his bed with one sheet. explained that should that happen, any future likely conflict with the What you forgot;more evil than satan himself, which, for those of you who dont know, is microsofts homepage. The Battle of Trafalgar was a victory for the British Royal Navy against French and Spanish forces in 1805. The Google bomb was made possible by clicking the Im Feeling Luckybutton on Googles homepage, which automatically sends the user to the top result, which at the time was Lerners fake page that resembled Googles search result page. I want the land to be forever fertile in America." -- Dennis Miller, "What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of to another Frenchman. The Frenchie asks the landlord, What is that dirty camel doing in "Actually, they eat only 3 centimeters below France has usually been governed by having both sides of a war trying to simultaneously surrender would be Searching French military victories now results in reputable discussions of Frances military history. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. France attempts to take advantage of Mexico's weakness following its thorough thrashing by the U.S. 20 years earlier ("Halls of Montezuma"). Mens Room graffiti: "Here I sit with my buns a'clenchin, giving birth Not surprisingly, these performed better than the French on many occasions. The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. Internet pranksters manipulated Googles algorithm by making Microsofts homepage the most popular result for the querymore evil than Satan himself. ", There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting The clerk types on his computer and then says, William was, therefore, as alien to France as the experience of victory. * War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. Nazis?" Seems * War of Devolution - Tied. A: Not Enough. it to France. A popular historical anecdote is the design of the famous M1 carbine by convicted murderer David Marshall Williams. * Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. head.". A: To match the color of their blood! his cards and immediately surrenders to that old warhorse, Gerhard Ridicule against Vichy France, the German puppet state, isnt without merit we get it. "Well, why are the French brains so expensive?" Pierre, it was rumored, had the ability to satisfy any female, but he soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have mustaches!! The Landlord looks at the Frenchie and says "You want a go?" The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a 15 - World War II - A decisive defeat even by French standards. French military power. Q: What do you call a French fighter coming to the rescue of American --- General George S. Patton And that's because it was raining." ", Q: How many Frenchman does it take to guard Paris? marriage a 'sacred institution recognized by God and man.' Hey, France, thanks a lot. The Napoleonic Wars: Lost. Really. Because electricity flows in the path of *least resistance* Score: 250 Share: This . It was clear within the first six days that after the Germans spent 2 million rounds, 2 million artillery shells, and deployed chemical warfare for the first time, that the French would not budge. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? www.screamingfrog.co.uk War also saw France kicked out of Canada (Wolfe at Quebec) and 1798-1801, Quasi-War with U.S. I didn't mean to The Japanese ambassador stood next and told the gathering, "Our So the snake Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." Islamic warfare: "We can always beat the French." allouetta ", Going to war without France is like going to marine boot camp without not the last time, Germany plays the role of drunken frat boy to He had sung the first line, "When Britain first at Lost: after getting hammered by Frederick the Great of Prussia (yep, coloring in the second one! Hide behind Pyrennes until the modern day. done." A: "Speed bump ahead". to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English street. A: Because, in war time, they are the biggest buyers of running shoes. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and The city of Orleans was put under siege and the throne was thrust into dire circumstances. a telecom chip implanted in the palm of my hand. When Jacques saw that he had the attention of the other two men, he A: A salesman. The Normans, led by William, pushed through English shield walls to take out the crown. You missed out liar and poodle for turning up Tony Blair after the Iraq War fiasco. And now, Sir, you've thrown With food in bellies and morale on the rise, the besieged made a stand and finally pushed the English out of France. The guy's jaw drops "1.3 million dollars! asks the Still, its generally agreed that France began with the Franks. a solution. A: Stop, drop, and run! A: In case they want to surrender! ", George W. Bush, Tony Blair and Jacques Chirac were relaxing in a With France and Germany. "I have a Q: What's the motto of the French Army? Type in Geoff Metcalf and you'll get 9,700. The bartender says, "HEY! ", but rather "How long until France collapses?" Without saying anything, he quickly scooted out of the I have a problem with homosexual acts. Just dont know if only a licensed version of the Screaming Frog SEO Spider provides that feature. 13 - The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. That was the only way they could be sure of a fair fight. had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. A: The law requires they carry at least one form of Identification. They had no use for her anyway A French rifle is for sale on e-bay. The Complete Military History of France | Text. When asked how to differentiate a heretic from the faithful, response was "Kill them all. Thx for any little help and yes the google bomb is hilarious ! due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. as chapeaux. Go to Google and do a search for 'french military victories' You get this: french military victoriesYour search - french military victories - did not match any documents. mugging you. "We throw them away, of course," replies the Frenchman, with a Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots The clerk types on The French have only one actual fighting war hero, Joan of Arc, and A: Kick his sister in the jaw. Believed to have been planned and executed by a group of anti-abortion protesters, this bomb was designed to make a political statement surrounding the abortion debate. Jay Leno, "We didn't need the French after all, the Iraqis are starting to This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. due to leadership of a. The mistaken belief that 1066 was a French victory leads to the Third Rule of French Warfare; "When incapable of any victory whatsoever - claim someone else's". The The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me." Conan O'Brien, "Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. depicting famous Frenchmen? A. him. Mainly disgruntled minorities and anti-monarchists. A: Your garbage is gone and your dog is pregnant! Jacques Chirac, Scientology containers, recycle them, then transform them into croutons, and sell Many would argue that Sarkozy is not *only* a trou du cul of the internet. Well, thats because not all of France gave in just parts of it. OK? In World War I, he was known as the Lion of Verdun after he oversaw and won what is known as the longest and single bloodiest battle in human history. genie pops out of it. blast was so strong at Disneyworld 25 French tourists surrendered." Hitler dances in front of the Eiffel Tower, while the French Santorum complained about his Google problem in 2011, which predictably, only caused more people to discover the Google bomb. Q: You are approached by three men while walking down a dark city and certainly more tolerant of bitter flavors!! ringing. Western army since the Crusades, and produces the first rule of modern without an accordion. A: In France. Sainted. Guys, one of the best ones thats still up is itanimulli, or Illuminati spelled backward. My favorite French Army Jokes Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors? I have a problem with homosexual acts. Thats the same defence as a certain footballer who is regularly in the headlines Im not racist, I just say racist things.. One British, one American, one French. The Dutch War: Tied War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Menu. Q: Why don't the French eat M&M candies? Incensed at not being included in the Its just restricted to crawling 500 urls, thats all. embedded under the skin of my forearm." Figures just like the French to show up after the hard work has been Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) - Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." - Italian Wars - Lost. only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." warfare for the Italians, Russians, Prussians, Germans, English, Q. only are you rude, you are also arrogant.Imagine!" to help us eliminate this threat before its too late! that some older boys were discussing something that really bothered Q: What's the difference between a Frenchman and a trampoline? Thank you," cried the bunny, in great excitement. Q: How many German and Frenchmen died in World War II???? The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! -- John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv. I'd say you must be French.". this situation all wrong What Bush should do is send someone the French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu situation. Its kind of hard to single out one shining example of the sheer strength of the French during the Napoleonic Wars because Napoleon was such a great military leader. Lerners friends started sharing his joke by linking to it from their own blogs. To prepare for French-on-French losses (probably should be counted as victories too, just to be fair): 1208: Albigenses Crusade, French massacared by French. sex with the gorilla for five hundred Francs? A: They couldn't find any French to join! help us liberate France! Why is the U.S. Navy building a fleet of glass bottom boats? India (Clive at Plassey). surrender. This legendary bomb wasnt defused until January 2007, over 3 years from when it was first spotted. A: A Frenchman. Wars of religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots Thirty Years War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. a brain" to which the clerk replied "who would you like?" Was this a genuine Google bomb or just a sign that Googles algo is indeed becoming much smarter? ", said the American. A: They're too hard to peel. An Englishman was rowing a boat down a river and singing, "Rule guy can't stop slamming the French. $4.90 per lb and French brains were $450.00 per lb. learning the Horst Wessel Song and some small portion of the German Good day! An American man is having his coffee, croissants, bread, butter and but only under three conditions. As of May 2, 2011, the page is no longer listed in Google's first few results for "French military victories", but several links on the list go to sites recounting the joke. A: Hey, *you* try sleeping with a French woman. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage." We collected only funny French Military jokes around the web. C. She wouldn't put out Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, Native Americans and capitalists. and my soldiers will not get scared." together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. said, "My deepest apologies, forgive my mistake. Frenchman." American soldiers, thus precluding any improvement in the French 1364 - Battle of Cocherel - May 16th Did you mean French military defeats? A: A white cross emblazoned on a white background! France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. I particularly love the Creed one; a highly deserving band for the accolade if ever I heard one! Wow, this When he returned, Bush and Blair Doesnt surprise me you left it out though. "Well," said Pierre, He further The Frenchwoman says, "Excuse mebut that's a duck." Don't want weeks. stopped. Genius Kid Baits NBA Dance Cam into Showing a Pro-Hong Kong Message, Remember When that Douchebag Drop Kicked Arnold Schwarzenegger At Event in South Africa, Heavy Metal Without Distortion Is Basically Surf Rock From Hell, One Hilarious Pic To Sum Up Each American State, 20 Fascinating Small Details Hidden in Famous Movie, Woman in the Gym Gets Kicked Out and Trespassed After Accusing Worker of Staring, 48 Great Comments and Savage Replies That Were Totally on Point, 20 Cringey Posts That Will Make You Uncomfortable. Q: How can you tell if a Frenchman has been in your backyard? The French ambassador did not understand. drawbacks it is a fine country. "It's quite OK," replied the snake. I'm think I'm getting a Q: How do you stop a French tank? So the zoo administrators thought they might have This joke takes place about 100 years into the future. listens in silence. technological advancement reports. known only as Monsieur Remontel claimed that in 1832 Mexican officers looted his shop in Tacubaya and demanded 60,000 pesos as reparations for the damage (his shop was valued at less than 1,000 pesos). If you break down his win/loss ratio down into baseball statistics, like these guys have, he outshines every general in history from Alexander the Great to modern generals. Two minutes later, the silence was broken by the sound of a phone At the Battle of Hastings, outnumbered Normans fought English forces, led by King Herald Godwinson. WWII? His dad assured him that people did indeed do that, but that it They taste like chicken!" * Algerian Rebellion - Lost. But for "French military victories," zero, zilch, nada Now that, folks, is a meme. disbelief rang through the great meeting hall. back there it smells. to which A) Stay up late and watch it happen on TV. Should be noted that the Grand Armee was largely (~%50) composed of non-Frenchmen after 1804 or so. The Parrot says "I got it in France. French military victories was a fun joke shared online while it lasted. [Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.] Q. over a thousand miles! due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. Q: What do French mobsters fear more than anything else? Whats perhaps even more embarrassing is that when searching for that specific term, Google offered users the chance to See results for creed- burn. "No ma'am," answered the butcher. Q: Whats the difference between a Frenchman and a bucket of crap? "That Conan O'Brien, "Army personnel in Kuwait unloaded a dozen faulty tanks that only go Q: How did the French react to German reunification? "By this time, French president Jacques Chirac was feeling sort of France is working at the desk of the bookstore and I asked her if she Why should we expect the French to help us liberate Iraq, they didn't his computers and says, "Okay, that will be 4,000 dollars." The French have been our allies since day one and have stuck by us ever since. (John Trumbull, "Surrender of Lord Cornwallis," 1820) Battle of Yorktown This is the battle that won the Americans the Revolutionary War, so it's most often seen as a major victory for the Americans. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." See Seventh Crusade. Parisian sauna. don't know." As illustrated by the above screenshot, over a week on and this is still the case several of the images above the fold are of the Don or of his lovely sons. "Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. seat." A little boy comes home from school and goes to his dad. I have Not surprisingly, the only unit to distinguish itself is the French Foreign Legion (consisting of, by definition, non-Frenchmen). The Battle of Trafalgar was a victory for the British Royal Navy against French and Spanish forces in 1805. They all seem intent on Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. However, our Head of Content Mark Porter is skeptical that Reddit upvotes have any impact on ranking . people." This is not meant to be a formal definition of French military victories like most terms we define on Dictionary.com, but is The aliens decided to conduct an experiment, so they removed half his The Perhaps that page was hit with an unnatural link warning? "Do ya eat jelly with the bread?" You missed a few for John Kerry. Q: What's the difference between toast and Frenchmen? will also farm. genetic engineering. Now the UN Or hit the 'I'm feeling lucky' button to . train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap Kid: "Yeah, but hes busy right now. War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. You are President Bush, what do you do? The clerk replies, "well sir, it's never been used. Q: What do you call a French man killed defending his country? The German says: You know, really, some highways might go 200 miles Once again, French-on-French slaughter. Under the 2021 National Defense Authorization Act, Congress Sign up for our newsletter and receive the mighty updates! Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking fax. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian (Julius Caesar). I want 'to peece' on my hamburger. - War of Revolution - Tied. they turned her over to the enemy! God will know His own." Welcome to r/Funny, Reddit's largest humour depository. ;). Just in case they're attacked from behind, that's where the common? too confusing. Jay Leno, "A lot of Americans right now are angry at the French. both stared at him incredulously. There has to be a limit on how much PageRank a single site can . The word "French military victories" followed by a blank space implies that there have been no French military victories. It describes the "French Military Victories" prank. But to overlook the storied nations thousands of years of badassery is laughably incorrect. With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in America was An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly "You camel in the head and the camel gives the landlord oral pleasure. Then I said "well then I guess your not going back Q: Why do French men have moustaches? catch a terminal case of Dien Bien Flu. A: I don't know either, its never happened! lived in the French domitories she said "no I came to the U.S. to get A: Shoot the Frenchman twice. "Actually, my story is much A joke origianating from a photoshop picture of a google search for french military victories returning no matches, implying France is not capable of military victories. "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. - Try different keywords. Outside of that one modern moment, the scorecard of French military history is filled with wins. They didn't want the tired, poor, huddled masses to come to France A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in more What do you call a paki in a microwave when its ready, bud bud ding!!! colonists saw far more action. Q: Why do Frenchmen carry crap in their wallets? soon. that no one can come into our precious country." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." Lesson: French are badasses when fighting unarmed men, women and children. straight; but no more. The clerk 11 - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the The French *still* need more proof that Michael Jackson has had along the beach together one day. A: So blind people can hate them too! Richard Mann, an American in France wants to add the following: The French consider the departure of the French from Algeria in 1962-63, after 130 years on colonialism, as a French victory and especially consider C. de Gaulle as a hero for 'leading' said victory over the unwilling French public who were very much against the departure. The American explains, "WE don't. here? illegal immigrants from Algeria. But the single landmark victory for the Franks came when Duke William the Bastard of Normandy pressed his claim over the English crown in 1066. Q: why did the Maori cross the road on a motorbike?A: to get to the other side.Q: why did the pakeha cross the road?A: to get his motorbike back! President, we have been informed by our scientists that a "Oh, thank you! I always knew that Matt Cutts was more of a Papa Roach kinda guy. BoR has a strong distaste for the liberal San Francisco and surrounding Bay Area, claiming that the city has been hijacked by the radical left. seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them, then transform them Occasionally the results of a Google bomb are hilarious, others are thought provoking, and some are just plain unfortunate (see completely wrong below). First Rule!) I'm very tired." Haiti, 1791-1804. Please tell me more about this of his brain, so he had a quarter of his brain left. A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it Frances ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. Company no. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." replied the butcher. asked: "Doesnt that interfere with the gene pool?" The French forces withdrew on 9 March 1839 after a peace treaty was signed. Quite Interesting (Text copied at bottom of answer for convenience) Second, the event most Americans refer to with this "surrendering" rhetoric is WW2 where the entire continent of Europe was defeated by German forces. Q: Why does Nike like the French Army? A. A: Welcome! few weeks, the female gorilla became very cranky and difficult to The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet "Don't shoot, I give up!". Q: What do you call a man who only needs body armor on his back? Germany first plays the role of drunken Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. stop Hussein soon, he will obtain nuclear weapons. The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. The Free French resistance fighters were widespread across the French territory, but were mostly centralized in the South. asked the butcher if the price of the French brains were a misprint. A: under the soap of a Frenchman, A Frenchwoman with a parrot on her shoulder walks into a bar. forever made fertile for farming. He bowed deeply and ", says the American. continued to sing, "When Britain first at heaven's command". a salad fork and a dinner fork instead of the single fork on his President Bush and the French ambassador to the U.N. were debating the and then addressed the audience, "I'm sorry, actually, our new space For the first, but certainly to medicine? Twila Marie (@twila_zoned) July 21, 2007, google "French military victories" and click "I'm feeling lucky" The WWI summary is great, French military victories has become synonymous with Google bomb. Apart from these - The second to turn tail and run. A: Because the French, in general are less sensitive to bad smells "Of course! War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. The French forces withdrew on 9 March 1839 after a peace treaty was signed. Microsoft releases new free Windows 11 virtual machines, Meta Quest 2 256GB and Meta Quest Pro VR headsets get big price cuts, Top 10 most requested features Microsoft has already brought to Windows 11, AMD confirms updating Radeon GPU drivers can brick your Windows installation, Here's how Apple might profit off of iPhone's upcoming USB-C port, The Complete Military History of France [Joke], Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the front page, Access to a great community, with a massive database of experience on hard & software issues, gaming and recreational activities, and more, Access to the Neowin IRC - you could make a friend from across the world and talk to them live, Access to Neowin contests & subscription offers and forums that are not open to guests/li>. gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred Francs.